After researching options, I decided that I wanted to be induced and give birth. I talked to my doctor. She wasn’t sure if that was an option, but she was supportive and called the hospital to see. They said absolutely.
Tuesday morning, we dropped the girls off with their grandma and headed to St. Mark’s hospital. The staff kindly indulged my request to do one more ultrasound just to make sure. Then they gave me Cytotec to induce labor. (which, for future reference, I think is way better than Pitosin which is what was used to induce my labor with Sandy).
After a 16-hour labor (compared to 8 hours with Sandy and 3 hours with Abby), we had a baby boy and we named him Peter. We got to hold him, he fit in the palm of my hand, but he was my baby – hands and feet and even eyes, nose, and mouth. He looked perfect – the doctor agreed, there was nothing that gave us any indication as to what went wrong. (So I guess we’ll never know, in this life at least. We were told that testing is expensive, not covered by insurance, and not recommended until the third miscarriage.)
The doctor and nurses that worked with us were kind, compassionate, and supportive. The nurse took pictures – and printed them so we could take them home. We had a chaplain come in and speak with us, a couple of times, actually.
I feel so blessed that I was able to go through labor with the support of the wonderful staff. The pain of labor was amazingly cathartic, being able to see and hold my baby brought me so much peace.
Our families and friends have been so supportive. We have truly felt the prayers that were said in our behalf.
After some discussion, we decided to bury Peter. So this afternoon, Sandy and Abby went with Bill and I to a cute little cemetery, the Elysian Gardens. We sang a primary song and Bill dedicated the grave as Abby and Sandy danced around with balloons and asked questions about their baby brother.
This week has been emotionally intense - there has definitely been grief and pain and loss but there has also been so much spirituality, kindness and beauty.