Cake

I made a cake tonight for the Cub Scouts Blue and Gold banquet. We were celebrating 75 years of cub scouts (100 years of boy scouts). Maggie made the cookies for me which was a huge help!

Here's the back:

I used white cake mixes. I think I used 8 of them.


I mixed dry strawberry jello into strawberry jam for the filling between the layers (I used 3 jars of Smuckers simply fruit and two 3-oz packages of jello and heated it in the microwave for 1 minute).

Here's a close-up of the filling:


The three layers before frosting:

Dark Thoughts

I have struggled with dark thoughts throughout this pregnancy. It's a general feeling, almost like I'm waiting for something bad to happen. A lot of these thoughts center around losing this baby. I don't have this feeling all of the time, but it has happened several times and it is really pressing in on me today.

I keep telling myself I don't think these thoughts are coming from a source of truth and light because I don't think they would feel so dark if they were. It's hard for me to remember that, though, especially when they are as strong as they are today.

I'm not sure what started these feelings. Maybe it's the rocky start we had to this pregnancy or the worry that came with Bill being laid off shortly after we learned we were pregnant. Of course, those things have worked out well and we have been very blessed. The pregnancy is going really well now and my OB keeps reassuring me that everything looks good. Bill started his own company and things seem to be moving along there.

Maybe it's just the rash of the things that have happened in Bill's family this past year. The extended Buhler family--including Bill's immediate family--has had lots of health-related struggles this year.

Maybe I'm just more aware of all the things that can go wrong during pregnancy than when I was pregnant with Sandy. Bill's cousin Megan lost a baby last year and my sister recently told me about her friend that lost a baby at 25 weeks. She would have had her baby the same time as my sister and I are expecting ours.

Maybe it's been kind of a rough week and that is getting to me. I took my car in Monday for a minor car repair and the mechanic discovered that the timing belt is frayed. So he is fixing it, but I still don't have my car back. I feel really blessed that he discovered it, though, because Bill said if it had gone out while I was driving it could have done serious damage to the engine. That would have been more expensive - and my mom is coming into town next week and we are having a baby shower for my sister and it would definitely have been more inconvenient to be without a car next week. Tuesday our vacuum cleaner died. But Bill thinks he can fix it if one of us can just get to the Hoover store to pick up a couple of inexpensive parts. So, really, although this week has had some inconveniences, I would have to say things have worked out just fine -- at least they will if I get my car back tomorrow morning so I can get the last couple of things I need to finish the cake I'm making for the Cub Scouts blue and gold banquet tomorrow night.

For some reason it seems to help to label the feelings so I thought writing about it might help. Of course, a good night's sleep will probably do more good than anything else, so I guess I should head to bed!

Mommy, let me go!

Sandy said her first complete sentence today: "Mommy, let me go!" She is talking quite a bit and she has put other words together ("No, Sage! Mine!") that could almost count as a complete sentence, but I think this counts as the first official sentence.

We went to Bouncin' off the Walls with a friend. Since my car is in the shop, we rode with her. On the way home, Sandy reached over to her friend's car seat and grabbed her arm. I warned her sternly with no success so I reached back and grabbed Sandy's hand and held it. She started screaming, "Let me go! Mommy, let me go!" I only held her hand for a minute and warned her again. She still did it again, so I put my hand back between the two car seats as a barrier. Within a few minutes Sandy fell asleep.

For those readers that know my husband, you will not be surprised by Sandy's latest toy. Bill set her up her very own computer.

He raided his computer graveyard for old parts. It doesn't have internet access or even games, but he set it up so the keys do various things: beep, change screen color, change text color, draw simple line drawings. Sandy loves typing on her computer while I type on mine. The desk her computer is on is just a little high, so I'm searching for something a little lower.

New Haircut

I got my hair cut today and donated it to Locks of Love. It's pretty short. I really like the back.


Here's the front. It's hard to take my own picture. I asked for side swooped bangs, but the stylist said that my hair insists on parting almost in the center and bangs would look funny.


Bill doesn't care for it, but perhaps it will grow on him.

I decided to write Sandy a memo today. I realize it doesn't do any good since she can't read. However, my explaining it to her doesn't seem any more effective, and it might make me feel better.

Memo to Sandy

Re: Sage, the Dog

1. If you drop food on the floor, the dog will eat it.
   
   
2. If you offer the dog a bite of food, she will take the whole thing.
   
   
3. Once the dog eats the food, it is gone. No amount of crying, screaming, "No! Sage! Mine!" or sticking your hands in her mouth will bring the food back after she has eaten it.
   
   
4. The dog's water dish is not for you to drink out of, bathe in, or fill with dog food.
   
   
5. Please don't pick up the dog's water dish. It is heavy and you will drop it on the tile floor and it will break. Just like the last water dish broke. And the one before that.
   

Fun Day

We had a really fun day today. First, we went to Bouncin' off the Walls for their mom-n-me bounce. For those that are local, you may want to check it out. Wednesdays from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. is for kids 5 and under. $5 per kid, adults and kids under 18 months are free.

Sandy had a great time! There was a gigantic slide that we went down five times -- and by lugging her all the way to the top I sure got my workout for the day. Sandy took a great nap today, though, maybe we should do this more often!

This afternoon we made Valentine cookies. I gave Sandy her own ball of sugar cookie dough, a roller, and a spoon. She had a lot of fun and it entertained her for longer than I expected.


Here's a short video of her playing with her dough:

Messes at Our House

The other day I was putting away cans I bought at the case lot sale. Sandy was "helping" me by retrieving cans as I stacked them in the storage room and making stacks in the living room. I went upstairs for a few minutes to make lunch and came down to find that she had found an open bag of flour. She decided to decorate Sage with it.


I'm glad I stopped to take some pictures, I don't often remember to do that. I often feel like cleaning at my house is a losing battle.

However, Sandy really does try to help. She knows she's not supposed to unroll the toilet paper. So this morning I found this:
I guess she figured it was okay as long as she put it back!

Markers

Sandy loves the washable markers my mom sent her. So far, she is pretty good to keep the markers on the paper, but if I don't watch her closely, she likes to decorate her dolls' faces (I hope we can break her of that before Abby arrives!). Today I was catching up on emails while Sandy was coloring next to me. Then I felt something wet on my face....


I guess I was really engrossed in my email because she got three good strokes before I realized what she was doing.